Chester_Tartsnatcher op 4 January 2014 · 18:06
Hello fellow ski freaks!
I am pondering the intricacies of another Yurpean ski trip.
As a misplaced individual hailing from a country of low brow, drone guided, bible thumping, conceptually Precambrian recidivists, I will need some guidance regarding my culinary forays.
I have spent a teensy bit of time roaming the alps from Vars/Risoul up through the hallowed slopes of La Grave to less exalted spots like Val Frejus and even the Milky Way. Most recently I managed to gimp around Central Switzerland to sample the powder plates offered in Engleberg, Disentis and Andermatt among the more widely known locales. I was sworn to secrecy regarding the most choice of these lest the marauding Scandies inundate the places with loud colors and straightlining rudenesses.
In each instance the skiing was lovely, distinct with excellent conditions available on virtually every day provided enough searching and wondering was applied to the situation.
But one problem presented itself over and over again.
In the Ecrins it was tartiflette. In central Schweiz it's rosti. Elsewhere it's raclette or fondue. Then there's the ubiquitous cured meats of legend and romance.
Now being from a land of primitive dining wrapped in electronic, crackling speakers thrust through the drivers side window with packaging galore, I am somewhat accustomed to managing my diet by traversing the perimeter of the megacorporsuperdoopermarket ferreting out the occasional vegetable, fruit or even (gasp) minimally processed grain product.
But in that great wide sweep of humanity, culture, art, soccer and "socialism", I am concerned about the inundation with cheese and potatoes. Not to mention the wads of cured mystery meats or mystery saucissons.
Is there any escape?
Are there some sort of gourmando Yurobuddhist maxims like the 4 truths and seven paths?
How can one navigate the post parandial potty paradoxes and transcend the threat of constipation and bowel blockage?
Where is the roughage? The fruits and mondo hipster gr00vy food stores where one can obtain the psyllium seed and raw papaya tinctures to soothe the tangled entrails while conversing over charmed crystals in whispered wisdoms?
All advice is welcome. I may soon again be traversing the sacred locales from La Grave through Cham and Verbier to skip lightly with birdo across some as yet indeterminate powder cache to hopefully gain the good company of those in Eastern Schweiz and Innsbruck.